Proximities

I have spent months brooding over some four lines of poetry. I initially thought that the rhyme paint/faint was too strong until I realized that it was the sound within a line (the relation of "wilt" and "faint") that was to my ear off — I would be happier in brining the "t" sounds closer together. And so here are the lines from Tulips by A.E. Stallings

These tulips make me want to paint:
Something about the way they drop
Their petals on the tabletop
And do not wilt so much as faint,

I would adjust the syntax: "And do not so much wilt as faint" but that leaves me without the sharpness of "do not wilt" and falling away of the assonant "so much as faint". I hesitate. It is like second guessing the artist with the brush. Like rearranging a bouquet.

And so for day 942
12.07.2009