Not Stopping

From Audre Lorde The Cancer Journals

Castaneda talks of living with death as your guide, that sharp awareness engendered by the full possibility of any given chance and moment. For me, that means being — not ready for death — but able to get ready instantly, and always to balance the "I wants" with the "I haves." I am learning to speak my pieces, to inject into the living world my convictions of what is necessary and what I think is important without concern (of the enervating kind) for whether or not it is understood, tolerated, correct or heard before. Although of course being incorrect is always the hardest, but even that is becoming less important. The world will not stop if I make a mistake.

Throughout The Cancer Journals the concern is with the overcoming of a silence that petrifies and damages. Expression is vital. Here it takes on a velocity that is contagious. The enumeration brings on a sympathetic vertigo. It is almost impossible to unhook oneself from the prose and contemplate an ethos of care and attention. It is not evident at first blush but a second reading imagines that the world will not stop if I do not make a mistake — or indeed it just might.

And so for day 604